Wow, when did the years slip away?!? I had no idea how big of a deal this would be in my life. I feel like I just tore a piece of my heart out and watched it walk down a big school hallway! I know that everything that I'm feeling sounds dramatic and over-the-top, but you girls know that no amount of reasoning erases those emotions so here's what I'm thinking about today:
- She's still so little
- Will she eat all of her lunch?
- Did I send enough food?
- Will she remember to go potty before it's too late?
- Will she be able to get her snap done up on her pants?
- Will she feel as scared as me?
- What if she needs a hug?
- What if she falls down and gets hurt on the playground?
- Did I teach her everything she needs to know to be on her own?
- What about all those times I "failed" as a mom...I wonder if my chance to influence is over as a mom. It's hard to suddenly welcome so many other adults and kids into her circle of influence when I've been the only one 99% of the time.
- Regrets! I remember all the times that I wasn't such a great mom. Wish I could re-do the last 5 years...I promise I'd be a better mom the second time around. Hind-sight is 20/20. I understand her so much more than I did a few years ago.
- Is some punk kid going to say something mean?
- What bad words will she hear today?
- What if she misses me today?
- What if she doesn't miss me today?
On the up-side, I'm so excited for her. The truth is she's my little independent, brave girl and is so excited about today. Anytime she starts to worry or feel nervous she gives herself pep-talks..."I know I can do it, I know I can!" She has more faith than any kid I know. It'll be sad when she finds out that you can't kneel down in the middle of the classroom to say a prayer because you can't figure out a problem. She loves to meet and make new friends and will be sweet and empathetic to any other kids that are scared.
She's my Hayley-bug and I can't wait to see her in 4 hours and 20 minutes!
Hayley was so excited to go meet kids in her class. She chose her clothes and told me how to do her hair. She even took 4 pencils to give to her 4 new best friends. She managed to give away two of them to girls that she met. One of the girls even gave her a pencil. She had the girls write their names down in a notebook she had taken. (She has a terrible time remembering names!) We practiced their names all weekend so now she has them memorized.